The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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