I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize