wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
last night I used snow as a chaser
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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