He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
