so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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