Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
