12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
