Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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