Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
