Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
third nipple confirmed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
