fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize