I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
