remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
