It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
