Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
