I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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