for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
