If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize