haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
