I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
