I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
