Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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