Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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