capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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