its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
