I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize