I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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