Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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