im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
