haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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