Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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