The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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