dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have tasted many bathrooms
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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