So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
