fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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