so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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