sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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