my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize