Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
