and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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