seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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