White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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