Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
