I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
