My Higher Power is John Stamos
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
