I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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