Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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