Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
