if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
