So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
