his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
