We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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