he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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