at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
