Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
