Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize