i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
