Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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