The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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