Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
they need to just BURY HIM!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
