New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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