how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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