When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
