He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
