Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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