At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
