If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
