He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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