walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
