Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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