I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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