i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
