Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
