Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Boobs are out for the taking
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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