He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
