Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
