TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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